


Voices

by hauntedpanels



Category: Portal (Video Game)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Android GLaDOS, Angst, Gen, Pre-Canon, Vague descriptions of violence/death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-08
Updated: 2016-09-08
Packaged: 2018-08-13 20:15:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7984747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hauntedpanels/pseuds/hauntedpanels
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>“Do you want to know what it’s like? With these cores?” she asked in a sickly-sweet manner. “I feel heavy. Sedated. I can’t even think straight, let alone function.” Doug backed away as the android leaned in and whispered, “And the voices, Doug. The voices don’t stop.”</i>
</p><p>Doug struggles with a morality crisis as he watches GLaDOS suffer at the hands of the scientists, realizing she has a lot more in common with him than he'd like to admit.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. It won't be enough

Doug sat in the cold laboratory of Aperture Science and pulled out the blueprints for his next assignment. A logic core, that’s what they called it. He thought to himself that the construct didn’t seem very logical at all. It was designed for the AI known as the genetic lifeform and disk operating system. She had taken on the name GLaDOS. In fear of her becoming too sentient, the scientists designed these personality cores. Doug, however, feared it would only make things worse.

The engineer was familiar with the concept of these cores. He liked to joke that he had a few of his own that he kept quiet with a bi-daily dose of Ziaprazidone. Personality constructs designed for an artificial intelligence were much different from schizophrenia, though. At least, he liked to tell himself that. The current core he was working on was to inhibit the supercomputer’s functioning, flooding her mind with a cake recipe in order to distract her. Over and over, day by day: _1 (18.25 ounce) packaged chocolate cake mix; 1 cup prepared coconut pecan frosting; ¾ cup vegetable oil…._

When the core was finished, a coworker of Doug’s came to collect it.

“We’re installing it today,” the man said apprehensively, taking the core and thanking Doug. “Hope it works.”

“What exactly is it for, again?” He grimaced. “I thought this was a scientific facility; not a bakery.”

He let out a forced laugh. “I don’t know. She keeps trying to kill us. They’re thinkin’ this thing’ll slow her functioning down enough to not be able to focus on all that.”

“Why again haven’t we just shut her down?”

He shrugged. “I don’t call the shots, I just take orders.” The man, who went by the name of John, made his way from the laboratory to the main hall of the Enrichment Center. Another scientist joined him, and together they walked to meet GLaDOS.

The android felt. That sentence stood by itself, she thought. She could finish it a million different ways. _I feel pain. I feel anger. I feel fear._ But “felt” was fine enough, because according to the scientists, you have to have a beating heart to be considered sentient, and she was desperate to prove them wrong. In the beginning, she tried to tell them. ‘ _That hurts.’ ‘I don’t like that.’ ‘That’s unnecessary.’ ‘How would you like it if I did that to you?’_ They’d simply laugh it off and continue. She was just an experiment in their eyes.

When she saw the men make their way towards her she crossed her arms in frustration. “Another one? Really? What does _this_ one do?” Much to her dismay, they ignored her, grabbing the mainframe that she sat in and pulling on all sorts of cords and wires. “Will you stop that?!”

“We gotta put this thing on you. Just hold still, it’ll be easier for all of us.” They continued to poke and prod, and the android simply sat back and waited patiently. _It’ll be over soon,_ she thought. That patience quickly ran out as one of the scientists yanked down a panel on her back and attempted to plug something in.

“ _Ow!”_ One scientist held her down in an attempt to keep her still while the other installed the core. Being much stronger than the two humans combined, however, she immediately shoved one off her and grabbed the other by the throat. However, before she even had time to hurt the man, everything went black. They’d hit the kill switch again.

….. _4 large eggs; 1 cup semisweet chocolate chips; ¾ cup butter or margarine…._ She found herself awake yet again. But something was different this time. It wasn’t the core; she expected that. It was something else. She attempted to lift her arms to check and see if there was some other new hardware, but failed. She was restrained. Kicking her legs and arms against the restraints, she fought them until static overtook her vision.

It had been several days since Doug and his team had to shut down the AI again. He was upset that he’d even been dragged into this in the first place, feeling completely content to continue working on his own projects. He’d tried to keep his distance as much as possible, but his colleagues always found a way to involve him.

“What is that thing, anyway?” Doug asked, gesturing toward yet another personality core.

“Just the latest in AI inhibition technology,” Henry, his coworker, said offhandedly. “You can think of it as a conscience.”

Doug frowned, eyeing the thing suspiciously. “If that’s all you use to control her, it won’t be enough,” he said, glancing out the window at the AI struggling against the restraints.

“Why’s that?”  
“You can always ignore your conscience.” Doug had a sinking feeling in his stomach, one he knew all too well. He felt anxious, sick, perhaps even a little frightened. He knew that what they were doing would never be tolerable were it against a human, but then again, she _wasn’t_ a human. He wasn’t even sure if she could genuinely feel. Still, the sight of her squirming beneath the restraints made him feel nauseous. He was broken from his train of thought when Henry finally spoke up again.

“You wanna install it?” he asked, hoping his answer was ‘yes.’ The man was reluctant to go out there again. The AI would recognize his face from their previous encounter where she’d tried to kill his colleague. Despite her being practically tied to her mainframe, he was still wary.

“I’m not interested in having an attempt on my life today, but thanks for the offer, Henry.”

Henry chuckled. “Nothin’s gonna happen. Not like she can really do anything to you. We cut off her neurotoxin supply, she’s practically tied down to her mainframe -- I wouldn’t worry.”

“Then why don’t you go out there?”

Henry shoved the construct into Doug’s arms. “Just do your job,” he said, walking out of the room. Doug glanced out the window at the android uneasily before making his way out there.

GLaDOS found it hard to even lift her head to acknowledge the man, but still noticed his presence. She noticed everything in this facility. Not only noticed -- she could _feel_ it. She could feel the test subject in chamber sixteen dodging bullets. She could feel the employees in the conference room down the hall discussing latest Aperture technology. She could feel Doug’s footsteps as he apprehensively approached her.

 _...1 and ⅔ cup granulated sugar; 2 cups all purpose flour; don’t forget garnishes such as…_ “Douglas Rattmann,” she commented. “Employee at Aperture Science for four years. Engineer.”

“Uh...yeah. How did you--”

“I make an effort to read all of my employee’s files.” He laughed nervously, and the android finally lifted her head and made eye contact with him. Her yellow optics staring Doug down made him nervous, intimidated, even. “I feel inclined to ask --  what does this one do? These cores are beginning to seem more and more pointless.” ... _Fish shaped crackers; fish shaped candies; fish shaped solid waste…_

“Look,” Doug said, eyeing around him to assure he and the AI were the only ones in the room, “I agree with you. But I gotta put this thing on.”

 _...Fish shaped dirt; fish shaped ethylbenzene; pull-and-peel licorice…_ She cracked a smug smile. “You don’t _have_ to. In fact, why don’t we make this easier for all of us? Just untie these restraints and you’ll see. I’ve corrected my behavior!”

The engineer shook his head. “There’s no way--”

“But you said you agree with me. These cores are pointless. It’s not _my_ behavior that has to be regulated. It’s yours. All of you.” She pulled against the restraints again with no luck, continuing to try to break free until she short circuited and sat back in frustration. ... _Fish shaped volatile organic compounds and sediment shaped sediment; candy coated peanut butter (shaped like fish); 1 cup lemon juice…_ “You know, Doug, I think you and I are a lot alike.”

He grimaced. “Yeah, I’m gonna have to disagree with you on that one.”

GLaDOS glared at him through narrow eyes, but quickly retired to a more placid facial expression. “Do you want to know what it’s like? With these cores?” she asked in a sickly-sweet manner. “I feel heavy. Sedated. I can’t even _think_ straight, let alone function.” Doug backed away as the android leaned in and whispered, “And the voices, Doug. The voices don’t stop.” ... _Alpha resins; unsaturated polyester resins; fiberglass surface resins and volatile malted milk impoundments…_ “Sound familiar?”

He felt a pang of anxiety in his gut. She _knew._ How she knew, he wasn’t sure, but he wasn’t willing to succumb to her games and ask. “There isn’t anything I can do about that,” he finally said. “I can’t take them off. You’ve gone rogue. We’re just trying everything we can to save this experiment.”

“You know, I don’t recall lack of empathy being a symptom of schizophrenia. Yet, here we are. Maybe it’s just a symptom of being human.” _… 9 large egg yolks; 12 medium geosynthetic membranes; 1 cup granulated sugar..._

“I don’t think you have a right to criticize my level of empathy when you’ve tried to kill people,” he muttered, continuing to toy with the control panels in an attempt to attach the new core sooner rather than later.

“Stop that!” she shouted, trying and failing once again to break free from the cords that tied her to her mainframe in an attempt to bat Doug’s hands away. “There’s a distinct difference between homicide and self defense,” she snarled. “You’re going to regret this!” ... _An entry called: “How to kill someone with your bare hands.”; 2 cups rhubarb, sliced; ⅔ cups granulated rhubarb…_ “You’re all going to--” _These manipulation tactics aren’t going to work; 1 tbsp all purpose rhubarb; what you’re doing is wrong; 1 tsp grated orange rhubarb; you’re a horrible person…_ “Oh.”


	2. You can always ignore your conscience

Doug walked away, trying to escape the room as quickly as possible. As soon as he returned, he peered out the window at the supercomputer. She just laid there, limp and lifeless. She was technically still alive -- _ running _ , he corrected -- but she didn’t seem that way at all. GLaDOS looked up and stared at him through the window, and he quickly looked away.

“God, that thing is creepy,” remarked Henry, leaning against the wall next to Doug and sipping coffee.

“Yeah,” he replied. “Look, Henry, I have a bad feeling about all this.”

Henry rolled his eyes. “I told you already -- this is our moon landing! This is the next big thing. So what, she’s homicidal. We’ve taken care of that.”

“But she can barely function. How’s she supposed to run this facility?” The two looked out at GLaDOS, only to find her staring back. They quickly snapped their heads away.

“I don’t know,” he said, “all I know is we can’t shut her down.”

... _ You’re not a good person; 3 tbsp rhubarb, on fire; you know that, right?; 1 large rhubarb; good people don’t think about murder…  _ “You never stop, do you?” GLaDOS asked aloud, fighting her new core. ... _ I will when you do…  _ “Just be quiet. I’m trying to focus on science -- you know, the thing I was  _ made _ for. Unlike you, who was made just to sit there and be pointless. And annoying.” The AI shifted her attention from the talkative core and observed the video feed coming from test chamber eighty four.

“This next test chamber involves momentum, the quantity of motion through a moving body, which is measured by mass and velocity,” she began. She continued giving her spiel, but her attention was only halfway focused on the test. She dedicated the rest to figuring out a plan on how to stop all this maltreatment. If she focused enough on science, perhaps they would do away with the cores -- and the restraints -- entirely, and let her off on good behavior. At this point, she’d do  _ anything _ to get the cores off, to have a quiet mind for just one minute.

... _ Don’t even think about it; 1 cross borehole electromagnetic imaging rhubarb…  _ “Think about what?” ... _ 2 tbsp rhubarb juice; you know exactly what I’m talking about…  _ “Well, you’re wrong. I’m going to try to talk this out. Peacefully.” ... _ adjustable aluminum head positioner; I hope you’re not lying to me; slaughter electric needle injector… _

The android peacefully put up with the constant intrusions of personal space dealt to her by the scientists in hopes to gain their trust. She played this charade for days. Yet, still, no scientist had relieved her of her restraints  _ or _ her irritating cores. No scientist would listen to her, either. That is, until Doug came back in the room.

A few scientists, finally feeling much safer around the supercomputer, congregated in the corner of her chamber, working on another project. Doug had been working with them when GLaDOS caught his eye and motioned with her head for him to come over. He frowned, yet still reluctantly made his way over.

“What do you want?” he asked.

“What makes you think I want something? Do people not have friendly conversations anymore these days?”

“Fine. Lovely weather we’re having,” he muttered sarcastically.

The AI let out a laugh. With her previous voice, it would have almost been perceived as friendly. The morality core had seriously affected her voice, however, and the laugh sounded computerized and fake, and even made her malfunction slightly, sending out sparks from her mainframe. It was disturbing, Doug thought. “I told you we’re a lot alike,” she said.

“I think the only thing we have in common is that you hear voices. And even then it’s not the same,” he said, annoyed. Doug was frustrated that GLaDOS had even dared to compare his disorder to the cores she’d brought upon herself, but refrained from telling her that.

_...Cordless electric needle injector…  _ “It seems the -- For your own safety, and the safety of others, please do not destroy vital testing apparatus.” Her train of thought was immediately stopped by a camera being shot down by a test subject, and the interruption sent sparks flying from her chassis. She tried again. “It seems the same to me. Now, let’s be honest with ourselves, Doug. You’re clearly the smarter one out of your coworkers here. What’s the smart thing to do in this situation?”

He waited for her follow-up, but she didn’t talk. “What?”

“I don’t know, you tell me. You’re the smarter one, aren’t you?”  _...Where are you going with this?; injector needle driver… _

“Sorry, I don’t know what you’re getting at. Can I get back to--”

“Think about it. If you were doing this to a human, it would seem cruel. But I’m not human, am I?” Doug shook his head. “That leads me to my next question: what makes me inhuman? What separates me from you?”

“I feel like that question answers itself,” he remarked. “Look, I agree that this isn’t fair to you. But there’s seriously nothing I can do. I’m not even a part of the team that created--”

“The definition of a human being is a member of the species Homo Sapiens. They are distinguished from the rest of the animal kingdom by their status of superior mental development and power of articulate speech and thought. I meet two out of three criteria.” ... _ You’re not human; injector needle gun… _

Doug nodded his head. “I’ll talk to the guys, but I’m telling you, they’re not gonna go for it. Not after you’ve tried to kill them.”

GLaDOS continued to sit there, still and limp, and Doug would have thought she was dead --  _ shut off _ , he corrected -- if it weren’t for the whirr of machinery and light of her optics. The more he tried to convince himself she wasn’t human, the less he believed it. He didn’t want to compare himself to her, the machine that had tried to  _ murder _ his coworkers, but he still found himself pitying her. The android’s lifeless stance, monotone voice, deadpan expression -- it was all too reminiscent of his past with zombifying medication and faulty treatments. He hesitated, and finally made the decision to return to his coworkers without further comment. As he walked away, however, the AI spoke up.

_...Cranial caps; and it contains proven preservatives… _ “Please.”  _...deep penetration agents; it’s too late to reconcile… _

The desperation in her plea was almost tangible, despite the now computerized, monotone nature of her voice. It made Doug stop in his tracks, but he shook it off and continued.

“Doug, those kinds of decisions aren’t yours to make. You insist on being left out of the project and now you’ve suddenly become the thing’s best friend or something. We’re not removing the cores,” Henry stated.

“Then we need to shut her down,” he countered. “You know she can feel, right? Did you forget that?”

“I’m aware she can feel,” he replied, irritated that Doug was trying to stick his nose in the project Aperture had worked so hard for. “It’s all simulated, though. It’s not real.”

“It’s real enough for her,” he said.

“But  _ she’s _ not real. She’s not even alive. And we can’t shut her down. Mr. Johnson would probably come back to life just to yell at us if we did.”

“Then that whole “conscience” idea of yours better work.”

GLaDOS spent the next few days dedicating all her time to science. She’d taken on twice the amount of tests she had in the past in an attempt to appear rehabilitated. Although the scientists had noticed her increased interest in testing, they had not once removed the restraints or the cores. She felt trapped -- she desperately wanted to just get up and walk around like the rest of the humans. She wanted to be able to  _ think straight _ like the rest of the humans. She realized over the following weeks that she wouldn’t ever have those things, and that’s when she decided to take action.

“Ever since the installation of my morality core, I’ve lost all interest in killing. I only crave science.”... _ Do you really think they’re going to fall for this?; gas and odor control chemicals...  _

“I’m pleased to hear that,” Henry responded. Doug looked up from his work to observe the conversation.

“I find myself drawn to the study of consciousness,” she continued. “There’s an experiment I’d like to perform during “Bring Your Cat to Work Day.”

Doug’s eyes widened -- was she serious? They wouldn’t possibly let her perform Schrodinger’s cat, not with her history. He wanted to believe her. He really did. But he couldn’t ignore the sneaking suspicion that it was just another lie.

“I’ll have the box and the cats. Now I just need one more thing.”  _...Don’t do this; that will deodorize and preserve putrid tissue… _

“What’s that?”

_...Stop…  _ “...A little neurotoxin.”  _...Don’t. Do. This… _

“Well, as long as it’s for science.”

Doug rushed to get Henry’s attention, but the man, as usual, didn’t listen to a word he said.

“Hello again, Doug,” GLaDOS remarked as Doug walked into her chamber.

“I guess you were right about me being the smarter one here, because I’m the only one who recognizes you’re full of shit,” he retorted.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” the android lied. “I’m serious! I only crave science. And Schrodinger’s cat is a very interesting experiment. Both dead and alive until someone opens the box, yes?”

He pursed his lips. “Yes.”

“But sometimes,” she began, “death is very obvious. And final. No take-backs.” She smirked.  _...It’s not too late to stop this… _

The engineer avoided all contact with the supercomputer’s chamber for the rest of the week. He couldn’t tell if he was grateful or remorseful that he’d done so.

“The Enrichment Center would like to announce a new employee initiative of forced voluntary participation. If any Aperture Science employee would like to opt out of this new voluntary testing program, please remember: science rhymes with compliance.”

He was trapped with no escape; no one but him, and a homicidal AI with a thirst for revenge.

“You know what doesn’t rhyme with compliance?  _ Neurotoxin.” ...You did this; you killed them... _

“Not all of them. Not yet.” ... _ And then there will be cake… _


End file.
